hey levine, cut it out… right now…

i had to get this off my chest. seriously, i mean it… stop haunting me – yes, i mean you, adam levine and no, i’m not kidding around.

this stubble-chinned, tattoo-bedazzled man and his damn hooky catch-phrase songs that just rattle around in your head and roll off your tongue, like “payphone” and now, “one more night” and even last year, with that incessant whistling that you couldn’t NOT hear every-freakin’-where on “moves like jagger”, it’s like he’s crawled deep into my brain and no matter how much i try, i can’t get away from him… and that includes the gazillion hours of “the voice” that i “shusshhhhhed” people into not talking over.

it’s not that i wasn’t a maroon 5 junkie before – i’ve loved this damn band since mr. levine growled on the airwaves about his unpredictable behavior and it being all “harder to breathe” and then crooned two seconds later about that rain falling on a “sunday morning”… hell yes, i admit that he hooked me a long, long time ago – he had some help from that fab band that backs his wise ass up every single night on stage (i have a real fondness for james valentine ever since i got to watch him work his guitar magic from the front row – that, my friends, is a show within a show right there!) but i digress!

those wicked tattoos, the “it’s all being centered” yoga-physique, the “yeah, i’m an a-hole but at least i admit it outright” interviews that make him 100% more endearing to women everywhere, not to mention the amazing new music on the last 2 discs (especially those ballads that raise up the hair on your arms, they’re so beautiful!)… again, what is that line from “the godfather” (which i’ve never seen, so don’t shoot me if i paraphrase) but “everytime i try to leave, they keep pulling me back in”? yeah, he’s the same thing… only every time i see him, it’s like he’s a million times more desirable in every freakin’ way – and for normal chicks like myself, who would never find an ‘adam levine’ a stone’s throw away from her front door – that’s like showing me this gorgeous new handbag that would be amazing with every outfit i own (you know what i mean – gorgeous from every angle, perfect with jeans or a business suit – practically MADE just for you) and then finding out that was a “one of a kind” handbag that costs more than i could possibly make in ten lifetimes. *sigh*

honestly, i can’t say that i want him to stop being… well, adam. there’s some things you can’t try to change and the total package that is adam levine is, quite honestly, a pretty nice package to watch.  but maybe – just maybe – he can take it down a notch or two – for a little while – until i can figure out how to stop wanting him quite so much…

or if scientists somewhere can instead figure out how to clone him… because really, that’s a much better idea than cloning sheep, in my opinion.


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