writing, OCD optional.

quite realistically i love to write… i love to read too (really really fast) but i do love to write because i have a fantastical imagination… which i think has to do with the fact that i cannot find a man who is completely perfect and this is how i can get one… let’s leave it at that.

most times i have to either have written it before-hand and have edited the crap out of it because i’m neurotic or i’m soooo drunk i have NO idea what i’m posting. tonight i’m free-falling… yes, tom petty, eat your heart out!

i think that i’m a romantic – I want the whole “happy ending”, walking into the sunset, falling asleep in each others’ arms (but not in a Viagara commerical, you and me in a bathtub kinda way) but I don’t know that there’s really ever a way to find that in this day and age anymore… can you ever find that? ever – can you? do you have to settle for something else? do you just grab for something and MAKE it what you want because you need to have SOMETHING? or, by doing that, are you just settling?

sometimes, i wonder if i will ever find anything anymore…

and then – it hit me a few days ago… i felt something – something “different” and i don’t know why – or even where it came from. i couldn’t even describe it to my best friend because it was so foreign to me… so weird and i feel like i can’t grasp it because its not mine to take – that’s the best/worst part *shakes head*

the fucked-up part about this whole thing is thinking that MAYBE you found someone – and they can’t be yours.

what do you do? really… what do you do? how do you take that piece of information and PROCESS it???!!!

i mean, no, i’m not going to be like “those people” and wail and moan and gnash my teeth and whine about how nothing in my life is worth anything and “blah, blah, blah”… i mean… i’ll go on because… fuck… i have to, right? but i never said it wasn’t going to SUCK – but i said i was going to go on… like i always do.

so i take my shitty life and i do SOMETHING with it…

i write… i never said i was going to get published – but at least i can get my angst and my feelings and my crap libido out and stuff, right…

well… i write and i’m angsty… but i also edit the shit out of what i write… i’m very fucking cranky about my grammar – LMAO… take that tom petty.


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